Jetah

PATRICK O’B:***** Yankees did it to us again.

PATRICK O’M: How is it they can **** against Seattle,***** against the White Sox,***** against the Mets but they never, ever **** against us?

PATRICK O’B: We ah cursed.

PATRICK O’M: We weah cursed.

PATRICK O’B: I nevah believed any of that malahkey anyway… Dammit, O’Roahke, you spilled my beah! That’s bad luck! No, don’t wipe it up! That’s seven times the bad luck, you clumsy Mick.

CLIFF: Maybe you guys ought to look on the bright side. The Sox still have a nine game lead.

PATRICK O’M: Nine and a half.

PATRICK O’B: It ain’t enough. It’s nevah enough. Nevah. We could have a 162 game lead and they’d find a way to steal it from us. The Yankees are evil, man, evil. King George made a pact with the devil.

CLIFF: Maybe we could have another witch hunt.

PATRICK O’M: That **** Jetah looks like some voodoo kinda dude, don’t he? He’s got those wieahd eyes, like a cat. Can’t you just picthah him sacrificing a dead baby on the pitchah’s mound at Yankee Stadium and sprinkling its blood around that diamond?

CLIFF: I don’t think you can sacrifice a dead baby.

PATRICK O’M: Jetah would. That creepy bastahd would sacrifice his dead mothah if he had a chance.

PATRICK O’B: Ah, he’d just flub that too. E6.

 

to be continued…

 

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Home of the Braves

PATRICK O’B: Mother Mary and the Baby Jesus, we ain’t destroyed Atlanta like that since Shahman.

PATRICK O’M: Why the **** we playing the Braves anyway? What kind of rivalry is that? How come we ahn’t playin’ the **** Yankees?

CLIFF: I think Major League Baseball is trying to develop intracity rivalries. You know, like the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox, New York Mets and New York Yankees…

PATRICK O’B: Yeah, but the Braves ahn’t in Boston.

PATRICK O’M: Wondah if Majah League Baseball knows that. Maybe they’ah the ones taking those tests that keep showing a majority of Americans think Mexico is part of Americar.

CLIFF: Technically speaking, it is.

PATRICK O’B: What, ‘coz of all the illegal immigrants?

CLIFF: Because the U.S. is part of America. At least it should be. America, properly speaking, extends from Canada to Argentina. And the Braves used to be in Boston.  Remember Ruth?

PATRICK O’B: Hank Aaron never played in Boston.

CLIFF: No, by then the Braves had moved to Milwaukee.

PATRICK O’B: Heah, heah! Have anothah beah!

 

To be continued…

 

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